What type of person are you???

I have learned more life lessons in the past four months in Spain than during my four years at college. Now this might be do the fact that my attendance record wasn't what one might call stellar or more honestly I missed more classes than I attended, but none the less my serve paid for my college so no loss there :) Living and working abroad has taught me more about myself and the real world than any textbook could ever come close to explaining. Not that I really ever read many of my textbooks, sometimes forgot to even open them up, but that's besides the point. However, I'm more than making up for lost time in regards to reading. Due to the fact that Spanish television is mierda and everything is closed from 2-6 for Siesta I've become quite the advid reader, yes, I do know how to read Ngoc :) Traveling is one of the best teachers in my opinion. It provides one the opportunity to see and experience things, people, cultures, customs, traditions, etc. that are truly eye-opening and at times mind boggling. I often find myself in situations that are uncomfortable and/or challenging and have to face my own. Every time I hear people tell me how jealous they are of my year in Spain, I wish they could experience a day in a foreign country with no friends or family and be forced to deal with the trials and tribulations of life in a different language. While traveling through Europe is fun its not always paradise in the world of sun and sangria. I'm constantly reminded I'm not in the United States when I'm forced to deal with inefficient Spanish beaucracy or walk past eighty-five year old men breaking their neck (literally) to get a longer stare. Among the plethora of things I've learned, most importantly I've come to the sad realization that 1) money doesn't grow on trees 2) work is no fun and at times hard 3) Spanish men are not tall, dark and handsome. Women, please do not continue to believe nor perpetuate this lie about Spanish men. It is nothing but a terribly exaggerated, unrepresentative falsehood. Whoever is responsible for inventing this sterotype should be punished and reprimanded because people have believed in this myth for far too long 4) when unsure of a question "si" is not always the best choice. For example, when a man asks if you want a "rollo," he is asking if you want to engage in casual no strings attaches sex, NOT a chocolate covered caramel candy! Who knew?

There is no substitute for experience. In order to truly learn about another culture one must immerse him/herself in the culture and experience the traditions, norms and lifestyle firsthand. However, after learning about the cultural norms and traditions related to dating and sex in Spain, American men can sleep soundly back home knowing I will be coming home free of any Spanish boyfriends or STDs. I’m sure many male readers just breathed a great sigh of relief, no need to continue worrying! My first couple months here I went on quite a few dates--only because I saw it as a great opportunity to 1) practice my Spanish 2) interact with the locals while learning about the city and its surroundings 3) lets be more honest, its a free meal at a nicer restaurant than I would normally go to. However, after I quickly noticed the pattern of all my dates I had to put an end to Spanish dating. What can I say; Spanish men are just not my things. Not only were all the men only interested in one thing but also none of them even cared to be the least bit discrete about their intentions. And no, there intentions were NOT to help me improve my Spanish. I recently went on a date, only because the guy was the exception to the rule tall, dark and handsome, that is.... he couldn't have been from Spain! You may be familiar with this gentlemen (if you are a faithful reader) he works at the Office of Foreigners and asked for my number when I was applying for my identification card (no shame...what government employee picks girls up at work? Only in Spain). Anywho, this date proved to be the catalyst for my investigation about the Spanish mentality towards dating and sex. The date itself went fine, he was sweet and we had a great conversation over drinks with many laughs. After telling me about how nice his place was and inviting me back, I naively thought, "sure, why not," mistake #1 of the night. As soon as I opened the door and walked into what has to be the most quintessential bachelor pad I couldn't help but wonder how many different girls had graced his couches. . . Pool table, big flat screen TV (plus one in the bedroom), view of the swimming pool, big fluffily oversized couches and of course a little mini bar....the only other thing he needed was me on the couch and the place would've been ready for a photo shoot to appear in a men’s magazine "best bachelor pad of the year." My innocence quickly faded and to my horror I realized why he wanted to take my back home, and it wasn't to show me how nice his place was nor watch a Disney move or practice my Spanish. Apparently he thought it was perfectly normal to sleep with someone after knowing them for a grand total of sixty minutes. Come on now, at least wait a couple hours before sleeping with someone I thought! (please note the sarcasm). Needless to say this was the icing on the cake, I'm forever turned off by Spanish men. (exception, el Duque, of course, he is ALWAYS welcome in Roque Barcia 5 4A)

Ngoc and I have both had very back luck with men abroad. In other words, with the men we have met, celibacy seems like a better option than dating. Guess I'll just have to pick my gym routine up a little. After having discussed the issue with a broad spectrum of Spaniards ranging from highschol drop outs to people with professional degrees, men and women, factory workers to lawyers and prudes and to those holding a more liberal mindset towards sex we have come to the conclusion that there are 2 type of people in Spain

1) those who are in a relationship

2) Those who DON'T want to be in a relationship

Yes, that's right, we single handling simplified a country of over 45 million people into 2 very simple categories. It didn't take a lot of work nor thinking to classify the millions of people over here. Now you might ask yourself, what about those people who want to be in a relationship but can't find anyone? Now this is a question only a rookie would ask, someone who hasn't lived in Spain, because those people simply don't exists. You can't walk down the street, go to the mall, park, library, grocery store, disco, a party, or ANYWHERE and not see absorb amounts of PDA. These people who feel the need to display their love and affection for their partner 24/7 in any given place fall under type 1 (those who are in a relationship). While they are quite annoying they are nothing compared to the scumbags who we classify as type 2. You know you've met a type 2 person when you are on your FIRST date the guy says "I'm not looking for a relationship." Meanwhile, you are still trying to remember his name and wondering who on earth says this on a first date? Don't be fooled by this line, which all Spanish men say, because this does NOT mean they are not interested in sleeping with you, quite the contrary actually. What "I´m not looking for a relationship" really means is "I want to sleep with you couple times a week, but I don't want to be tied down, sacrifice anything for you, and quite frankly you're not worth giving up the opportunity to sleep with another willing girl..." What a line, really! It should be the number #1 pick-up line of all time "Hey honey, you're looking good, I don't like you enough to commit to anything but you wana sleep with me?" Only the smoothest of smooth talkers could've come up with that good. It has to have a 100% success rate, what girl doesn't wana sleep with a guy after hearing "I don't want a relationship" why not just say "well, you're available tonight and I want to get laid so you willing to put out or what?" This is what they are really thinking.

In conclusion, I will be staying far, far away from Spanish men for my remaining four months abroad. If you're ever in Spain, talking to a Spanish man and he slyly drops the line "I'm not looking for a relationship" you now know what he is really asking...

Besos
Ally